That teenage stage
by happy molecule
Summary: After their children fall under the influence of the rebellious Estel, Elrond and Thranduil plot with Galadriel to restore normalacy.
1. Elrond's problem

A/N: This is a fic that I've been meaning to write since April, but only got around to it now.  I hope you all like it.  Sorry for all discrepancies, i.e. elves listening to rock music (YAY!  We love you AFI!), but yeah, I don't particularly care if it's not EXACTLY correct.  Oh, and its set when Estel is like 15…I DON'T care if he didn't know Arwen or Legolas then!

_Finally, _Elrond sighed as he closed his book.  It had taken him all week, but at last he had gotten Rivendell's financial accounts up to date.  And now he was completely exhausted.  He closed the book and slid into bed, already drifting into a deep sl-

"_Don't waste your touch, I won't feel anything, or were you sent to save me?"_

Elrond leapt up from his bed.  What the hell was that?!

_"I've thought too much, you won't find anything worthy of redeeming!"_

Elrond realised that the deafening sound was not a massive army of orcs attacking Rivendell; rather it was Estel's music.  Which, once again, he was playing full blast.  Elrond scrunched up his noise in annoyance and got out of bed, cursing the day he had agreed to look after Estel.  Oh sure, he had been cute at first.  But now-well, to be honest, Elrond would rather have the hairs plucked on his toes.  Not that his toes were hairy.   

Elrond stormed down to Estel's room and banged on the door.  There was no response.

"Estel?!"  Elrond yelled.  "Estel, turn that 'music' down!"

To his dismay, the music continued blaring at its usual volume.  And had now switched to a song about guys doing things to dogs which Elrond didn't really want to know about.  He had had enough.  All he wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for the next thousand years or so.  Which might explain what he did next.

Elrond lifted his leg and skilfully kicked the door down.  A wave of smoke floated out of the room and enveloped the elven lord in the hallway.  Coughing and squinting, Elrond somehow managed to navigate his way into Estel's room.  He looked around and saw Estel  
Lying smoking on the bed  
Next to his topless daughter.

 Elrond was enraged.  The human child had to be stopped.

            Elrond sat in the clearing, playing with his bellybutton whilst he waited for his visitor to arrive.  Normally he wouldn't go anywhere within a five kilometre radius of this particular person, but desperate times called for desperate measures.  At long last he heard the sound of hooves beating.  

"Greetings!" the elf cried, leaping down from his horse.  "A star shall shine on the hour of our meeting!"

"Hi Thranduil….." Elrond drifted off.  

"I understand you seem to be having a problem with your youngest, uh…what was his name?"

"Estel."

"Yes, yes that's right.  Estel.  Anyhoo, normally I would be glad that you have come to me for advice on raising children, as I am of course the expert, having once been a child myself, but so it happens, I seem to be in a spot of bother myself.  You see," Thranduil looked around the clearing to make sure no one was around to hear and continued in a conspiratorial whisper.  "You see, I am having some trouble with Legolas.  He has become……unusual.  Disobedient even."

Elrond tried to imagine the pretty-boy elfling he had met before being disobedient and failed miserably.

"He even cut his hair!  And he has been visiting females!  And, the other day, you know what he called me?  He called me an 'old man'!  Can you believe it?!  I'm only 6344!"

"You think that's bad?  Elladan and Elrohir went off with Gandalf to smoke weed all day long.  I walked in on Estel making out with Arwen.  And even Erestor has begun wearing black and cursing profusely!"

Suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of rustling leaves.

"Galadriel!" Elrond yelped.

"Hello boys," she said, grinning in an un-Galadriel-like fashion.  "I hear you're both having problems with your children."

"Y-y-yes," Thranduil managed to stammer.  Elrond mentally slapped himself.  Why the hell had he agreed to meet in Lothlorien?!

"You know, Celebrian was that same at that age."

"CELEBRIAN?!"

Elrond laughed hysterically.

"Don't you remember Elrond?  She went through that stage where she got a tattoo…..?"

Thranduil gasped.

"It was all a certain half-elven's influence, if I remember correctly."

"I was never like that!" Elrond cried, appalled.

"Oh really?" Galadriel raised an eyebrow.  "Who sang Ana's song?"

"Silverchair-aaaah!  I was like that!"

"Don't worry.  All human children go through it at that age.  Estel will grow out of it.  Unfortunately, they tend to pass on these traits to all surrounding elves.  And they don't grow out of this behaviour."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Thranduil broke down and began sobbing hysterically, pounding the floor with his fists.  

"Don't worry.  I have a plan."  Galadriel said, cackling evilly.

A/N: What's Galadriel's plan?  Will it work?  Will Thranduil ever stop crying?  Will Arwen ever put her top back on? Tune in next week to find out! 


	2. The kidnapping of Arwen

A/N: Ok, Davey Havok, Jade Puget, Adam Carson and Hunter are from this really great American band known as AFI :) and I totally love them and Hunter is hot!  Um they play mainly like punk/goth rock I guess, but their songs cover a wide range….u should all listen to them!  Blame my sis for Elladan's and Elrohir's responses.

The four are walking, or in the case of Arwen, skipping, back to Rivendell after their amazing AFI concert which Elrond had strangely paid for….

"OMG, how hot was Hunter!" Arwen squealed for the millionth time.

"As hot as me?" Estel asked jokingly.

"As if.  He's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY hotter!"

"Aw….I feel unloved!"

 "Arwen, that's not very nice!" Elrohir protested.  Elladan giggled.

"Yeah!  And you know what we do to little girls who aren't nice?"

"You two sound like little kids!" Arwen stated.

"Don't say we didn't warn you!"

The twins picked up Arwen and threw her into the river.  She screamed.

"My skirt!"

She managed to climb out the other side of the river.  The twins were relieved to find they had said river between them and a very pissed Arwen.  All of a sudden a cry, not unlike the ones uttered by Tarzan, sounded throughout the forest.  An elf swung by on a vine and grabbed Arwen's spiked collar.  Elladan, Elrohir and Estel watched in fear as the elf, which they easily identified as Haldir, swung away with their beloved sister/girlfriend.  

            The three barged into Elrond's study.

"Ada!  Haldir kidnapped Arwen!"

"HALDIR?!  Why the hell did she get Haldir to do it…?" Elrond wondered.  He noticed the three teenagers staring at him.  "I mean, oh no!  Thou must go-est and savest her at once…est!"

Estel stared at his foster father as though he was mad.  Elladan was overcome with a fit of silent giggles.

"Us?" Elrohir asked.  "Why us?"

"Because she's your sister!"

"She's your daughter!"

"Well I have to go look after Glorfindel!  He's sick!"

"Ada, elves don't get sick," Estel said incredulously.

"Tell that to Glorfindel…" Elrond grumbled and walked out of the study.

Estel looked towards the twins.  

"Well then, I guess its up to us."

"But without me, the yaks are going to die!" Elladan cried and ran out, screaming hysterically.  Estel and Elrohir looked at each other, terrified for their lives.

"Elrohir, you'll help me rescue Arwen, right?" Estel pleaded.  Elrohir shifted nervously.  

"I would, but my homework jumped off a bridge and the crawled in a hole and died and I have to go and rescue it…." 

And with that, he edged away and ran after Elladan.  Estel sighed.  He would have to go and rescue Arwen by himself.  

            Arwen woke up.  Her head ached and something was poking into her spine.  She cursed Haldir.  She hadn't bitten him _that hard!  Rubbing her head, she sat up and gasped.  Was that who she thought it was?_

Um yeah…..any guesses?


	3. Pirates, Dunlendings and pick up lines

A/N: Mwahahaha…new chappie! Yay!  Australia's won the ARL! And its only 26 days till rotk opens in Aus :)! Oh and the pickup line Arwen uses is an actual AFI quote from this interview that has since spread around my ENTIRE school!  Argh.  Thanks to Senni for the quote though.

Estel sat in the mud, depressed.  Rescuing Arwen had sounded like a good idea at the time.  But now it was raining, and he was cold, wet and hungry.  Not to mention completely lost.  And to make matters worse, his beloved pants were now filthy.  He stood up and kicked a rock.  Hard.  It flew into the trees in front of him.  He heard a loud _thunk, followed by a shout in a harsh language.  Estel soon found himself surrounded by a large band of Dunlendings.  A VERY large band of Dunlendings._

          "Will you have sex with me?" Arwen asked innocently.  Hunter looked across at her.

"No?  Then rape it is!"

The pair giggled hysterically.  Arwen was having the time of her life.  So she had been kidnapped and forced to wear a shirt that covered her midriff.  She was with AFI!

"More rum, m'lady?" Adam asked.  

"Hell yeah!"  

Adam poured her another glass.  Arwen began singing madly,

"Drink up me 'earties yo ho! Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me…."

                Estel's heart was in his mouth.  The menacing looking band of Dunlendings was moving in closer and closer.  His mind raced as he tried to remember all that Elrond had taught him about fighting.  For some reason, all he could remember from 11 years of lessons was Elladan's story about the time Elrond had gotten drunk and tried to make out with a tree.  He giggled as he remembered the elder twin acting the story out.  

"Oh, so he thinks it's _funny _that you just killed our captain?!" one growled.  

"N-no, I was thinking of this other thing and-" Estel tried to explain, terrified of what was going to happen to him.  Elladan had also told him many stories about the Dunlendings.  None of them would make him giggle.  

"Oh I'm going to enjoy this…" one said, stepping forward.  Another stopped him.

"No.  We can't kill him." He grinned.  "Yet."

"Why not?!"

"He might know something important.  And _he will not be pleased if we slaughter someone so..." he paused, searching for the right word. "Intelligent."_

A few started to cackle with glee.  Estel felt his stomach tighten.  Despite what he always said about never being afraid of anything, the truth was, now as he stared at what could possibly be the last face he would ever see, he was terrified.  One of the Dunlendings came up behind him a fingered his shirt.

"He's wearing el-"

Before he could finish his sentence, Estel spun around, quick as a flash, and in one fluid motion removed his head from his shoulders.  There was a shocked silence.  The mayhem broke out.  Estel held his sword steady as he prepared to be engulfed by a tide of enraged warriors.


	4. Legolas' punishment

A/N: I would like to thank all of u wonderful reviewers.  You totally rock my world!  I would particularly like to thank leggylover (I think that's it!) for giving me the idea for Legolas' punishment!

Legolas trudged towards his father's study.  For reasons unbeknownst to him, his father had summoned him.  He sighed and opened the door.  He really didn't want to see Thranduil.  He was _weird_.

          The study was empty. _What the hell?! He wondered.  The he realised, no, the study wasn't empty.  His father's high-backed chair turned around.  He gasped.  Staring back at him was Galadriel.  Looking ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!!  Only by reminding himself of Elladan's very graphic story of the real circumstances surrounding Celebrian's birth did he manage to stop himself from madly ripping off the small amount of clothes she was wearing.  Galadriel smiled and beckoned to him seductively.  Legolas couldn't believe his luck.  Was he __actually about to lose his virginity?!  Galadriel reached into a draw and pulled out a pair of scissors.  _

"Legolas," she asked.  "Would you mind doing me a favour?"

"Of course not," Legolas said, drooling, his mind racing in thoughts so deep in the gutter that they were covered in sedimentation.

She handed him the scissors.

"When the music starts, run around me with the scissors."

"Um ok…" Legolas thought this was quite strange, but he knew that Galadriel had some strange fetishes.  And so he prepared himself to run like he had never run before.

"And ignore everything else.  Just concentrate on you running."

Legolas started to get a bit worried.  What was she going to do to him?!  But then she smiled and Legolas forgot all his doubts, all his worries, and sank into a state of blissful agreeance.  Galadriel reached down and pressed a button under the desk.  A familiar song began to filter through the room.

"I believe in miracles! Where ya from?  You sexy thing!"

Legolas began running around madly.  A door on the opposite side of the room opened.  Thranduil walked in wearing nothing but a g-string and a spiked collar.  Legolas stopped running and stared at his father.

"Keep running!" Galadriel growled.  Legolas began to run again, albeit slower.  He stared at his father, praying he would leave.  Unfortunately, today wasn't Legolas' lucky day.  His father walked past him and began giving Galadriel a lap dance.  Legolas stared in horror.  The scene was like a bad car accident; it scared the shit out of him but he couldn't turn away.  He began to throw up violently.

"Stop!"  He sobbed.  "Please stop, Ada!"

"If I let you leave, will you promise to never wear anything fashionable ever again?" Galadriel asked.

"Yes!"

"And to only ever listen to Elvish music?"

"Yes!"

"And to always listen to your father?"

And finally, will you promise to stop looking like the sexy beast you are and become a pretty boy?"

"Hell yeah!  I mean, yes ma'am."

Galadriel nodded.

"Then you may go."

"THANK YOU!!!!!" Legolas cried and ran away so fast that he went straight through the solid wall.

"Thank you for restoring my son to his proper elven state," Thranduil gushed.

"All in a day's work," Galadriel replied.  Thranduil kissed her hand and stood up to leave. Galadriel yanked him back down and grinned.

"Oh, you're not going anywhere…."


	5. Sauron's love of rocks

A/N: I would like to thank Edgy Wedgy for helping me out with this chap.  And all you reviewers.  You all rock.  Especially all those wonderful AFI fans out there!  All those who have never heard of AFI should go to www.afireinside.net and listen to their music!  The song Estel sings is "Bleed Black" by AFI.

Parry.  Thrust.  Block.  Duck.  Parry.  Swing.  Slash.  Estel ducked away from the falling body.  He was starting to get the hang of this.  He'd managed to halve the group of Dunlendings that was assailing him.  But he was tiring.  And he had been inflicted with as many wounds as he had delivered.  He couldn't continue with this.  He swung his sword fiercely and leapt through the opening he had created.  He back flipped ad hid behind a rock.  The Dunlendings looked around, confused.  Estel couldn't believe his luck.  Somehow they couldn't see him!  One looked around and cursed.  A fight broke out between a few.  But one thing slowly dawned on Estel.  They were not going to move any time soon.  Estel cursed violently and prepared himself for a long wait.

            Estel shifted as silently as he could.  His left foot had gone to sleep.  It was now night and the rain was still pouring down.  Estel was freezing.  The Dunlendings were now discussing something which sounded important.  Estel had given up trying to understand what they were saying a few hours ago.  He was bored.  Bored, bored, bored.  Absentmindedly, he began to sing softly to himself.

"_If you listen, listen listen, listen close, beat by beat, you can hear_ _when the heart stops, I saved the pieces, when it broke, and ground them all to dust.." _

A head up.  Estel realised he hadn't been singing as softly as he thought.  

"What did you say?"  one of them asked.  Another Dunlending looked up at him.

"I didn't say anything."

"I swear I heard you say something."

"Well it wasn't me."

"Or me," another added.

Silence.  Estel grasped onto his ankles in apprehension.  

"Do you think…?"

_No, _begged Estel.  _Please don't._

"It's, you know, telepathy or whatever?"

"What?"

"Maybe Sauron is trying to communicate with us…"

Estel suddenly had an idea.  He picked up a rock and threw it.  He heard a _thunk, followed by a shout._

"OUCH!"

"What?"

"I got hit by something!"

"I told you.  It's Sauron trying to communicate with us!"

"You fool!  As if!"

Estel silently cheered, before tossing another rock.

"Ow!"

"You got hit too, huh? Sauron's getting angry at us for tarrying.  We ought to go."

"I don't think so.  Why would Sauron throw stuff at us?"

"Because wants us to go!"

"Oh sure….and he want us to pick up a carton of milk on the way home as well!"

Estel threw another rock.

"Ow!"

"Sauron didn't like you badmouthing him!"

The other Dunlending sighed.  

"Ok, fine, we'll go.  If that's what our wonderful lord wants…"

He ordered the group to pack up and leave.  Estel danced as best as he could whilst lying behind a rock.  His plan had worked!  He watched as the group began to leave.

"Well, well, well, what's this?"

Estel spun around and was confronted by the hideous face of one of the Dunlendings.

"Been having a bit of fun, have we?"

He whistled.

"I found our little runaway!"

A few, large Dunlendings began to approach.

Estel reached for his sword, only to discover that he had dropped it when he had run away from the fight.  He frantically searched for something, anything, with which he could defend himself.  Reaching into his pockets, he found his AFI ticket, souvenir matches and…..souvenir fireworks!  Estel grinned.  Finally his luck had changed!  He lit the fireworks and threw them at the advancing orcs.  They exploded, sending chunks of man-flesh flying everywhere.  Estel jumped up and ran off in a randomn direction as fast as he could.  

            Hunter's hand slowly slid up Arwen's shirt and gently stroked her breast.  She smiled and, leaning over, kissed him long and slow.    He slowly pulled her shirt up and over her head.  Suddenly the door slammed open.

"Estel!" Arwen exclaimed and yanked her shirt back down.  "What are you doing here?!"

He tried to stager over to her, but collapsed on the ground.  She ran to him and noticed his blood-soaked clothing for the first time.

"Sweet Eru!" she gasped.  "What happened?!"

"I came to rescue you," he managed to gasp.  

"You came all the way from Rivendell just to rescue me?" Arwen asked, tears springing to her eyes.  "That's so sweet!"  She hugged him tightly.  Estel lay motionless in her arms.

Wish Estel would come all the way from Rivendell to rescue me!


	6. Shocks Now with free horrors

Arwen placed another damp cloth on Estel's forehead.  His temperature was still high, but the fever that had ravaged his frail body had begun to subside.  His eyelids began to flutter open.  Arwen smiled down at him.

"Arwen?" he asked.

"Go back to sleep, _melamin."_

Estel's eyelids began to feel heavy.  He struggled to keep them open.

"_Mani marte?_"

"You collapsed.  I think one of the arrows that struck you was tipped with poison.  _Lle tyava quel?"_

"Did you heal me?" Estel avoided her question.

"Yes."

"Then I will be fine."

Arwen felt touched by his child-like trust in her.  She only wished that she deserved it.

            A week had passed since Estel had staggered into the residence of the band members of AFI and Arwen was ready to go home.  Sure, she had had fun meeting her idols, but now all she wanted was to be home with her love.  Estel walked in to find her packing a small bag with food.

"_Mani naa lle umien?_" he asked.

"I'm packing food so we can go home."

"But we can't go home yet!" Estel protested.

"Why not?" Arwen asked, confused.

"Because I have not yet defeated your captors?"

"Estel, what on Illuvatar's sweet earth are you talking about?"  
He softly placed a finger against her lips to silence her.  

"All will be revealed…"

He smiled and led her to a door, before disappearing down another hall.  Arwen stared after him, bewildered, before entering the room.

            She was instantly deafened by the sound of thousands of cheering, rabid fans.  A randomn man handed her a pamphlet.  She gasped and sat down, nauseous.  Estel was having a sing-off.  Against AFI.  Over her.

            This was preposterous.  Estel couldn't even sing, let alone outperform a band as amazing as AFI!  They were both doomed.  Completely and utterly doomed.

            The band walked out onto the stage and was met with hysterical howls of delight.  They began to play.

"_Twenty-six years and seems like I've just begun  
To understand my, my intimate is no one  
When the director sold the show, who bought its last rites?  
They cut the cast, the music, and the lights  
  
This is my line, this is eternal  
How did I ever end up here?  
Discarnate, preternatural  
My prayers to disappear  
Absent of grace, marked as infernal  
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned  
To this nature, so unnatural  
I remain alone_….."

The crowd went wild.  Arwen clapped miserably.  There was no way Estel was going to win.  Grinning crazily, Davey Havok led the other band members off the stage.  Estel walked on, holding a guitar.  He smiled at Arwen and began to sing softly.

"_I cannot leave here, I cannot stay  
Forever haunted, more than afraid  
Asphyxiate on words I would say  
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue  
  
There are no flowers, no, not this time  
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find  
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak  
I'd share for you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me  
  
I cannot stay here, I cannot leave  
Just like all I loved, I'm make believe  
Imagined heart, I disappear  
Seems... no one will appear here and make me real  
  
There are no flowers, no, not this time  
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find  
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak  
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me  
  
I'd tell you how it haunts me  
I'd tell you how it haunts me  
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams  
I'd tell you how it haunts me  
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams  
You don't care that it haunts me  
  
There are no flowers, no, not this time  
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find  
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak  
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me  
Just how much this hurts me  
Just how much you..._"

A moment of awed silence followed, before the crowd went absolutely insane.  Arwen couldn't believe it.  Estel had sung one of AFI's songs better than they could.  Estel waved and walked off the stage, where he was met by a tearful Arwen.

"Estel, that was beautiful!"

Estel blushed.

"Thank you." He smiled.  "Do you want to go home now?"

"Of course!"

            Estel smiled to himself as he walked through the halls of his realm.  Everything was just how it should be.  Arwen had transformed from a coke-sniffing Goth into a tearful, love struck elf-maiden once again.  Estel had become the sweet, gorgeous future king he was born to be.  Elladan and Elrohir, seeing how many girls were attracted by Estel's new look, followed his lead and had joined the Rangers in the North.  And the silence was so thick Elrond could eat it.  Silently, he thanked Galadriel once again.  Her plan had worked.  He walked into his bedroom and pulled out a slightly dusty guitar from under his bed.  Loudly he began to sing,

"_No more maybes,_

_Your babies got rabies_

_Sitting on a pole_

_In the middle of the __Andes__….."_

Elrond was just able to make out the sound of the resident of Rivendell angrily awakening.  He cackled gleefully.  Elrond Eärendilion, the troublemaker, was back.  In black.  

  
  


Elvish….

_Melamin-_my love

_Mani marte?__ –_ What happened?

_Lle tyava quel?__ –Do you fell well?_

_Mani naa lle umien?__ – What are you doing?_

A/N:  And that is the end.  The bit AFI sings is the first verse and chorus of their song, "_…But home is nowhere" . Estel sings all of the song "_this time imperfect" ,_ not surprisingly also by AFI.  I couldn't bear to cut out any of the song, so that is why its all their.  And Elrond sings the first verse of Silverchair's __"Freak".  _


End file.
